Girl makes what seems like a good life. Girl is not happy. Girl blows up her life. Girl finds peace. Sometimes you have to be your own hero. I'm sharing my story to encourage you to make the necessary adjustments in your own life to find joy and peace.
Like what you hear and want to share feedback? Connect with Darice on social @daricerene or at daricerene[dot]com.
Girl makes what seems like a good life. Girl is not happy. Girl blows up her life. Girl finds peace. Sometimes you have to be your own hero. I'm sharing my story to encourage you to make the necessary adjustments in your own life to find joy and peace.
Like what you hear and want to share feedback? Connect with Darice on social @daricerene or at daricerene[dot]com.
Girl makes what seems like a good life. Girl is not happy girl blows up her life. Girl finds peace. This is my story. And the reason why I created effortless and unbothered. I created this podcast and this platform because honestly, I lived a life that was a little off. And I recognized the crazy, I called out the crazy. And finally I stopped the crazy. So I want to share this with you, in hopes that if there is someone out there listening, that feels like things are just really off and they haven't put a name on it yet, that you'll find some inspiration for the story and that you'll you'll be encouraged, there is light at So one day I woke up in this was years ago. And I remembered that the end of the tunnel. I really hate to cook, and I'm not doing it anymore. So let me paint this picture for you. At the time I'm married. And this is a marriage, the second marriage for both of us. We brought both brought children to the marriage. So we're talking, I brought two he brought four and we are the black Brady Bunch minus Alice, right. And then creating this life with this gentleman, I created a world that for everyone, except for me felt extremely comfortable. I'm talking, you know, six kids every other weekend. We're talking kids in sports, kids and dance, we're talking full time jobs for the both of us, and a beautiful home. And we are living this life that I'm realizing over time just does not suit me. And there were a lot of different aspects. There were a lot of different signals that I just simply ignored, because I dug my heels in. And although there were some things that felt off to me, I didn't like the idea of failure to the point that I ignored those things. There was a quote that I found during this time, the quote is credited to Henry David Thoreau. And he says, most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them. I was most men, I felt trapped, I felt stuck. And I didn't realize it until I was so deep into this thing. But I am grateful that I did finally recognize it before it was too late. Some of the things that I ignored along the way, were some some dysfunctions within my marriage. I realized after the fact that we just had different values, there was this misalignment. Later, through a lot of therapy, I learned that there was also some codependency there, stemming from some childhood issues. I was in roles at work that were chosen because they suited the lifestyle that I wanted to live, I had very active children very proud of what they were able to accomplish as athletes. And so my pursuits, my professional pursuits became secondary to making decisions that would allow me to get them to their practices and and take care of them the way I wanted them to be taken care of. Absolutely no guilt or shame around that it worked out beautifully. I'm very happy about that. But at the same time, there were some things that I was denying myself. I wasn't working in my zone of genius. And for me, my profession is very much something that I identify with. So there were some things that were off there. And then there was this domestification of Darice. It was interesting too because I, I never actually subscribed to it, I took to it, right. So you've got six children looking at you. And they're hungry, they want something to eat. And so naturally, I walk into the kitchen and you know, 13 years later, I'm preparing meals that begin and end with, you know, time in the kitchen, and I am creating this for this one because they don't like the main meal and this one, you know, has this allergy or this, you know, preference and then there's that. So on average, on kids weekends, there might have been three different versions of a meal that I was preparing. And, of course, I'd clean the kitchen because nobody could clean the kitchen as well as I could and, and then there was the house cleaning. And nobody could do that, as well as I could and this and this. So there were all of these self imposed bad choices. And looking back on it. Now, it's interesting to think about the effect of, of what I did to myself, but also the people that were in that house that I took on this journey. So I took on a persona that didn't fit me or suit me. And then taking on that persona, I gave the people in the house, this ideal that wasn't really truly a great ideal for me. It's funny, I had one of my bonus babies come and see me recently. And he's everything, I love him so much. And he said, 'Will you make me a cheesecake?' Well, yes, you know, I'll absolutely make your cheesecake. But the funny part is that I had made it and he was sitting here having a slice. And he said, "You know, I realized along the way that you don't like to cook, and it's crazy to me, because you were always in the kitchen. And it just seemed like you really enjoyed it." And that was kind of the epitome of what they saw. You know, they saw something that I don't want to call it a facade. I took ownership of that, and later realize that no, it's it's not good for me, it's not a good fit for me. So there, there was this awakening, right? There was this, this time where I had to make some really tough choices, some choices that affected a lot of people. And I thank God for grace and mercy. And thank God for unconditional love from my family, I thank God that I had support through friends that made me feel less crazy, but crazy nonetheless. And that's okay. So there, there have been many pivots. And there had become this mental clarity around how to make the adjustments that are needed to make and I'm so grateful and happy to have done the work. So to speak out, how is it they they say? You've got to do the work. And if you could see me right now I have air quotes. And that's okay. Because now on this side of things, I understand what it means to make those choices that require transformation, I understand the growth and it took time. So this message is really for those that have gone through, or are going through something similar, I want to let you know, it does get better, there is light. And there is time. Time is one of those elements that can really keep you stuck. If you bind yourself around this construct of time in the wrong way in a negative way. You know, I read something or look at something just about every day where someone is highlighting, you know, the 60 year old who just started college or the 12 year old that started college, and both of them are fine, if that's what suits them. There are those of us, though, who have this clock running in the back of our heads. And we feel as if certain things should be accomplished within certain regions of our life. And I have to tell you that constraint will keep you stuck if you subscribe to it. So I really hope and pray that you are not living in that lie. And that you can come past it, you know, the the quote that I brought up earlier, they go to the grave with the song still in them. There is time as long as you are breathing, to make the necessary adjustments. So I'm hoping to encourage you. One of the things that I promised in this podcast life of mine is that I would bring practical tips as we are learning and growing together. And one of the things I wanted to share in relation to how I stopped my crazy was first to get clear on what it is I wanted. There was a book I read some years ago and I don't ever remember what the book was. But in that book, there was an exercise where we readers were told to write down 100 things you want. It was funny for me because I took so long to think of that list. Now mind you picture this, you've, you've got this blank slate, there's nobody in the room, there's nobody who's going to read the list, there's no judgment. And yet, for me to identify what I wanted for my life was, it was not, it was not an automatic response. And after some time, when I looked back at that exercise, realized, even that process and what it took, it occurred to me that I had built so much time and put so much energy and effort into taking care of the people around me. Keep in mind, let me go back, remember those six people, three different versions of dinner, I was cooking, I had built this muscle of taking care of others and denying myself and it was so strong, that when I was asked to write down what I want it for my life, I could not accomplish it. I came up with maybe 20 to 30 things and I put it away. And it took me months to go back and add to that list. And as I heal, I would go back and add a few more things. And I would take some months, go back, add a few more things. In in that it was the journey that I needed to go on, to be able to get clear about what I wanted, so that I can make the adjustments so that I can get in alignment with who I truly was. So my suggestion Sis, for anyone who's going through anything similar, where you're feeling like you can't sing the song that you were meant to sing, is to start taking action. If your action is as simple as getting a journal, then get a journal, I highly suggest journals and advise folks to get journals. Because there's something about writing down what's happening in your head. You're right, like, there are those of us who just stay in our heads. And it's, it's crazy up there, like the way you take something and make it real, like the way you assign value to things as they're sitting in your head is just sometimes unhealthy. So journaling is is one practice that is just a simple, simple practice, to get clear on what's important to you, and what will truly make you happy, what will give you peace, what will give you joy. There's some work to do. But before you blow up, and, you know, take folks with you on that journey, I suggest being very intentional. You know, one of the other things I suggest is as you are journaling, if you find it difficult to just begin to describe what's happening in your life and documenting how you're feeling. Then find some prompts that relate to self awareness. So if you Google, and it's easy to do journal prompts for self awareness, you're going to find something that resonates with you. And I suggest you start just give yourself 10 minutes, give yourself 15 minutes. Maybe it's one day a week, maybe it's two days a week. Just start somewhere. I heard Mel Robbins talk about her definition of joy. And in one of those definitions of joy for her it was keeping promises to herself. And when I heard that I thought my God, how great is that? and How simple is that. However it's not always easy to implement, especially if you're someone who's constantly pouring into and taking care of those around you. Keeping promises to yourself is a good start. And journaling. Getting those journal prompts that relate to self awareness is a great place to start start small and I promise you, you're going to be surprised at what happens next. That's it. I want you to know you're not alone. So if after you hear this story you'd like to DM me or email me, mail a letter contact me in any way. Just head to our website, effortlessandunbothered.com and let me know if this resonates with you. Leave a comment wherever you listen to podcasts. I thank you for spending this time with me today and I hope it was helpful to you.