What does it mean to have a quality relationship to navigate life and live it to its fullest capacity? How should the people in your life support your growth? Let's talk about it. Too many of us have had our hearts broken by friends who we let into our circle. It's time to be intentional. You deserve better.
What does it mean to have a quality relationship to navigate life and live it to its fullest capacity? How should the people in your life support your growth? Let's talk about it. Too many of us have had our hearts broken by friends who we let into our circle. It's time to be intentional. You deserve better.
0:00
When it comes to squad goals, what does that even mean? What am I talking about? This subject is a subject that is near and dear to me, because I have been fortunate to have a small but loyal friend and family group around me my entire life, the people on my favorite list in my phone would all stop their lives for me at any given moment to hear from me, to love on me to direct me, and even to chastise me if that's what I needed. I love and trust this group of people completely, and they love me unconditionally. And that's significant for any person listening to this episode that is going through things, or maybe you're planning some radical life changes, maybe there are situations in your life that you know you've got to change, and you are looking around and don't see a ton of resources, or you're not sure if the people in your life are going to support you. So I want to talk today about this topic, because I have been the woman that needed to make some radical changes in her life so many times. And it was my squad, it was my community, it was my family that got me through those things with a lot of strength and power behind me.
1:22
So I'm going to tell you a story about about my squad. So I have had the same four girlfriends, since the eighth grade. I mean, these girls have been rocking with me, and I've been rocking with them. We have been through high school together through college together, we have been through marriages and divorces, we've been through children, children's birthday parties, children's graduations, you know, gathering at one another's house to just commiserate or to celebrate. I've had this friend group who have just shown up for me time and time again. And those quality relationships have gotten me through.
2:09
I want to talk about three different points when it comes to choosing the right people for your journey. So what does it even mean to have quality relationships to navigate life, and to live to your fullest capacity? There's a quote by Jim Rohn that said, You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And I have challenged that over the years thinking you know, I don't I don't necessarily believe anything that I hear Initially, I'm one of those people that has to test things out. But as I've gone back and kind of played through the different seasons of my life, I have to say that there is some credibility and some truth to that, you know, and it's, it's really to a disproportionate effect. And what I mean by that is that there are things that you are picking up and things that you are digesting in your spirit as you go throughout your day. And obviously as you go throughout your work life, your home life. I'm one of those people who I know you're gonna laugh at this. I do not watch scary movies. I do not watch them. I do not like them. Not even thrillers like I have to be coaxed into it. And my family can tell you story after story of me uncomfortably sitting in a room watching a scary movie, because they asked me to, begged me to being completely uncomfortable hiding behind pillows like, I don't even like the sounds that come from a scary movie when somebody is about to get chopped up, you know what I'm talking about. And part of that is the fact that I don't even want certain things in my spirit because I realize how much what you are taking in on a daily basis, what you're consuming, is affecting you. And you know, we can debate that if you like to, you know, my email. But that being said, the people that you spend the time with are absolutely putting some kind of effect on you. Whether it is them, you know, putting their fears on you whether or not it is them, hopefully sending positive vibes your way and giving you the energy you need to be able to do great things that goes both ways. So think about who you're spending time with because as you get through your different chapters, the people around you are going to hinder you or help you in some kind of way.
4:46
There are the scientific studies and all of this of course will be in the show notes that say that not only do these people influence your quality of life, they are going to influence your behaviors. So if you hang out with wine lovers, hey, have one of those. Chances are, you will or if you don't love wine, chances are you've been in a situation where or an experience where you've been offered wine, right, you've had it. And that was because of the people around you. If you are with a lot of people that are overweight, chances are, there you are. And I'll say this, you know, with full transparency. Happy people beget happy people, people who are divorced, so on and so forth. There's actually a book about friendship, it's by Lydia Denworth. And it goes into some of the behavioral and scientific effects of who you have around you to substantiate the idea that quality relationships are going to be important for you, as you navigate. So, when you think about who's or who's around you, like, you might also think about what responsibility do they actually have, right? So we're all adults, we make our own decisions, we make our own choices. And that's perfectly fine. But the people around you shouldn't just tell you what to do, and tell you what you want to hear. I think a lot of us tend to rotate towards cheerleaders, people who are going to support our behaviors, whether good or bad. So I would just caution you to think about that, when you think about who is helping you make decisions, who is it you call, when you're stuck in a rut, or who has a you call when you have this decision to make, that's going to be, you know, a far ranging decision, the people around you, that are going to support you in the right way should understand your goals, they should understand your desires, they should understand who you are and what you want. The thing about that, though, is you have to communicate with these people. There are several people who want to give advice about weight loss, right. So there's personal trainers, there's all these, you know, folks out here who are doing a great job that want to help you lose weight. And one of the things that you always hear about when you're on a weight loss journey, at least at the beginning, is this accountability piece, these professionals will tell you that if you want to lose 50 pounds, there are a series of things you can do. And one of the things is to tell the people around you that you have that goal that you want to lose 50 pounds, because there is some power as they know. And as you probably know, and having to face someone, as you're on this journey to lose this weight and having to, you know, look at them when you're picking up a piece of pound cake and say okay, okay, okay. Okay, I know, I know, I know. There's that piece that the professionals lean on? Well, when it comes to navigating, you know, the bigger things, you know, whether it is you know, starting or ending a relationship, whether it is a career related change, or anything really that significant. The people around you should know what your North Star is, where you're headed. And they can only know that and give you good advice if if you've shared that information. So you want folks around that are holding you accountable and supporting you.
8:36
The other thing I think about when it comes to choosing the right people is professional, and personal relationships matter. So we've talked about the girlfriend piece, and we've talked a little bit about professionals. But there is really a team of folks that you want to have around you in your journey as you are navigating. So I know it sounds trite, but I have entered into a new season in my life, and I'm entering a new decade of my life. And if you don't catch that, that means that I am entering a year of life, that is a pretty significant year. So as I was reflecting last year on what this year would mean and how I'm turning this corner, in this time of my life, I thought to myself, okay, well, I need to make sure that I can be the very best person I can be in this next season. And of course, that means the obvious things like eating better and being overall more healthy and kind of righting the ship in terms of how I want to live and kind of identifying who I want to continue to become. The other thing I had to get serious about was bringing in people to tell me or give me the assessment for if I'm capable of doing the things that I need to do. So for instance, I went to see a doctor. And in full transparency, I had not gone to a doctor for about two to three years. And I know it is tricky for me to admit that but it's the truth. And the reason was number one, I was feeling pretty good, pretty healthy, have not had any major illnesses praise God in my life. And I've been kind of charting along my path and and I just haven't felt the need. But the other thing was, I was just busy with life. So I've been taking care of other people, I've certainly been to the doctor, but it wasn't for myself, it was for, you know, my friends and children, mostly, that needed me there. So I had neglected that piece. So I went out and saw a doctor, she, of course, because I hadn't been there has given me now a list of all the professionals that I need. And I might be belaboring the point, but I bring it up. Because as I go into this next season, I want to be my absolute best, this is a life that I am designing. Therefore, I want, you know my health in order. And that means that I have to have checkups. There's a book by Brendon Burchard, called High Performance Habits. And in his book, he suggests you have this team of professionals on your journey. And his specialist lists include, you know, the obvious parts, so you've got your therapist, you've got a nutritionist, you have a obviously a doctor. But he goes on to say that you also want this other group of people. Now this is, you know, a group that would be relative to a high performer. But I like the idea of spanning your life and thinking about what you want to do, and bringing the people on board your team that are going to support you on that journey. And these are the professional relationships. So if you are, I don't know, thinking about, you know, expanding your company, maybe you are a CEO or an entrepreneur, and you're thinking about your revenue goals, okay? Well, in order for you to hit your revenue goals, let's say you're going from $1 million to $2 million, you've taken some time to think about how your company needs to chart that growth and what your company is going to need to do to fill in the gap between where you are today and where it needs to be, I would challenge you to do the same thing for yourself. So in order to become a CEO of a $10 million company, what skills do you need to work on? And who are the professionals that are going to give you those skills or help you to get to that level? So professional and preferred personal relationships matter.
12:53
And then the last thing I want to share with you about squad goals and choosing the right people is something that a concept that one of my sisters taught me, gosh, it has to have been 10 years ago, she she and I were talking like we always do just, you know, kind of shooting the shit. And we were talking about friendships. And she was telling me how it was the time of year for her to take her frienventory. Once she said that I stopped and like so many times when she said something and and in there others around me. They're just these really brilliant people who just have these. They think differently. And I love that.
13:35
So she's telling me about frienventory. That is friend-ventory. And she was telling me how once a year she will sit down and kind of look across her relationships and think about who was intentionally pouring into her in a way that supported her growth and who on that list was not. And she measured things. I mean, it was pretty rough. Yeah, let's see. It was pretty intense. And she was so serious about it. And so I took it really seriously when she was telling me about it. So she's telling me about how she thinks about things like how her energy is moving when she's around certain people. Is it is it a relationship that's draining her? Is it a relationship that energizes her? You know how this is there are people in your life that are just completely wearing you out? Like when you see their number come across your phone, you just you hesitate picking up the phone because you know you're getting ready to go on a trip that you did ask to go on. So she told me about this friennventory. And and I'm not as as dedicated as she is.
14:57
Truth be told, as I said at the beginning of the show pisode I've had the same four friends since eighth grade. But there have been relationships, of course that have come into my life since then both through the workplace through entrepreneurship through just being out in the community, so on and so forth. So it's a concept that I have thought about in the back of my mind ever since she said, so are you energized? Are you drained? Are you empowered? Do you have to defend yourself when you're around this group of friends? As you look down the road at where you want to go? and who you're becoming? Is there alignment? Is this a group of people who as you get to the next level, are going to be right there with you? Or are they going to be a drain to you as you get to this next level. So this is a time during freinventory to say goodbye to toxic relationships, you know, any energy given to bad relationships, is energy, you cannot invest in the good ones, and you have a choice.
16:01
Now, I'm going to give you a bonus in the area of free inventory. And this is going to sound pretty, pretty rough. But hey, you're here. And hopefully you find this helpful. When you're thinking about the people in your life and the people that you're spending time with, if you're a parent, understand your children are watching your children are watching the relationships. They're watching whether or not you lead or you follow. You want to be mindful of how you're working the relationship. So at the end of the day, you want to understand that this is your movie, you're the star of your movie, and everybody around you is in a supporting role. But you cast the roles, right? You cast the people that are around you. So at the end of the day, I'm hoping that the time we spent together today is going to inspire you and encourage you. My challenge for you or the takeaway after you've heard this episode is for you to take frienventory and for you to become more critical of how people are depositing into your life. And for you to determine whether or not it's good for you or bad for you in this season of your life. Sound good?
SHOW NOTES:
Book: Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond
Book: High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way
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